For the past six weeks it has been all about Marlie, but now that I have gotten into the rhythm of motherhood it's time to establish a balance between caring for her and taking care of me. So, I've started carving out some time to focus on my personal trinity...mind, body, and soul:
Mind
I have bad postpartum dementia. I walk into a room and can't remember why I went in there and forget where I put things. Did I mention that I have not seen my set of keys for two weeks?! I can't stress about it though...I have enough of that going on. I have been using spare keys to drive and open the front door. The old me would have obsessed about finding those lost keys...the old me was a Type-A, hyper-organized, neat freak and perfectionist. That is a skin I am shedding, mainly because I don't have the time or energy to fret over petty things anymore like neatly stacked and sorted mail. I am also letting go of some negative things that are cluttering my brain in order to make room for the positive memories that we are creating. I am also reading again, mostly news web sites to stay current with worldly events, and devoting more time to journaling because these activities stimulate my mind and will keep it from turning to mush.
Body
On Monday I had an appointment with ancestral hair braider Isis. She began the process of locing my hair. You like? I have one year to decide whether I like it enough to make it permanent. In the meantime, I get a break from the rigors of hair maintenance for one year...yippee! Today, I had my 6-week postpartum check-up and have been cleared to exercise. The midwife was amazed at my incredible shrinking tummy. It would probably have been even smaller if I had used my belly bandit faithfully. I used it like three times. I just couldn't get it to fit right. It always rode up because of my short torso and broad hips. I feel like my body has snapped back though. Thanks to a healthy diet and breastfeeding, I look the same as before albeit flabbier around the middle. I can't wait to activate my workout plan which has only two mandates: start slow and mix it up. I'll start with yoga and walking, then begin using my trampoline when I feel stronger, and hopefully I will be running again by the end of the year. I'm asking Santa for a jogging stroller for Christmas (hint, hint hubby!).
Soul
Giving birth to Marlie has been the most rewarding, yet emotionally draining experience of my life. There are so many conflicting feelings. Just when I began to doubt that I can do this and started second guessing myself, God sent messengers to encourage me. The first reassurance came at church on Sunday in the verses of James 3:13 in which the disciple contrasts Goldy wisdom to that of the world we live in. In her message, Pastor Courtney encouraged us to ask ourselves if we are living up to God's expectations or what society imposes upon us. The text could not have been more timely as I have been plagued by voices questioning my choices. You are familiar with my personal struggle to reconcile stay-at-home-motherhood with my internal guilt about no longer being a breadwinner and external inquiries from people about when I plan to go back to work. I shared with the congregation my belief that God had been preparing me for the most important job I will ever have and that I now know that being Marlie's mommy is enough. Saying it aloud was such an affirmation! I vowed right then to continue to work on quieting those worldly voices by praying more and seeking His wisdom. God sent me more spiritual nourishment on Monday morning in the form of a blog post by my friend The Redhead Riter entitled, "Qualities of a Good Mother." My favorite quality that she lists is: She nurtures herself so that she has the physical and mental ability to take care of the child. That is exactly what I am going to do because a healthy Teresha + a happy Teresha = a happy family. That's why after much hemming and hawing, I am going to the P!nk concert tonight (I won 2 tickets!). I will give a full report on the fun later!
2 comments:
Girl you sound like you are on the right track. Keep it up. I got locks too and to tell you the truth regret not having locked my hair sooner.
You won't ever regret staying home with her. I saw Alyssa's first roll over, first step, first yawn, first written alphabet letter, heard her read her first word, and the list is endless. How can I regret that for money? I can't. No amount of money could ever be worth it. I'm making her a really cool bookshelf (I'll post a picture when I'm done) and was working on it yesterday. She came up to me out of the blue and said, "I love you Mommy. You are the best Mom and I am so thankful you are mine." Needless to say, I immediately started crying my eyes out. And guess what? I bet you will have the same kind of relationship with Marlie. Between you, Damon and God, you can't go wrong.
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