Yesterday was the beginning of Lent. Lent is a time to reflect on the 40 days Jesus spent in the wilderness. In remembrance, Christians are supposed to "fast" for 40 days; the process of self-denial is meant to be a symbolic act of recommitting to our faith. Instead of going without all food or drink, we pledge to give up one thing for the 40-day period. I like to think of it as a spiritual cleansing. I used to look forward to Lent, but this year I dreaded (even resented) its coming. As a new mommy, I honestly feel like I've given up enough this year to last 10 seasons of Lent! I deserve an exemption just this once. To prove my case, here is a short list of the stuff I have sacrificed during the past 365 days:
alcohol (I didn't imbibe often, but I did enjoy a glass of Riesling on occasion)
body parts (abs, breasts, va-jay-jay)
dairy (no yogurt, no pizza, no cream cheese frosting cupcakes...need I say more?)
IQ points (I feel stupider, doh!)
job (I never thought I'd miss earning a paycheck, until I didn't have one)
social life (no one told me how hard it is to maintain friendships once you start having kids)
sleep (the main reason for this grumpy post)
spontaneous sex (the other reason for this grumpy post)
time (as in, time for anything)
Isn't it weird how having a child can can fill you up and leave you feeling empty at the same time? I have tried to overcome these feelings by telling myself that my sacrifices are worth it. I have a healthy, beautiful baby girl who gives me plenty of unconditional love. But guess what? Mama needs more to feel whole. I'm afraid that if I give up one more thing that I will completely fall apart. So, I'm passing on Lent this year. Somehow I know Jesus will forgive me...
Getting Ready…
7 years ago
16 comments:
Hard to believe that the day will come when you miss these days, huh? I did anyway, though I now wonder what the heck I was thinking. V is getting easier in some ways now, at 16 months. By two, it really does start getting easier and by four, you're home free (until the teen years that is, then it can be a bit of a crap shot).
With the exception of the job thing and dairy, I feel you on this. It is a tough thing to almost become someone else in your thirties! There is this overwhelming love for your child, but also the struggle not to lose yourself. Then you realize that you can't really be exactly the same person anymore and now you have to redefine yourself. It is tough.
No advice or anything (not that you were asking) but just wanted to let you know that I know exactly where you are coming from! We will get through it. :)
my little one is 3 years old and i still have problems with some of the things u named and more...ESPECIALLY the social life part (i lost alot of 'friends' since having a child)...but my situation is different: im a single mom....still trying to find my happy middle ground...sigh...better days are ahead :)
Similar feelings find their way into my life every once in awhile too. My husband said to me the other day (he's leaving for a business trip) "if we didn't have the kids, you could just come with me".
He didn't mean to make me feel trapped but in a way it did...
Sorry it is rough. You will find balance. Then in 17 years, you will be calling me to say, "I'm so sad. She's on a date and I miss her." That's where I'm at because my life has been consumed by her. It took me so long to get pregnant that I never felt what you are going through...I was weird that way. Just relax, breathe and have dessert. That usually solves most everything LOL
he will. and i feel the same. i have forfeited an entire night's sleep for 7 1/2 yrs. so i opt to give up a full night's sleep. there ya go
Oh yes being a Mom sometimes means GIVE GIVE GIVE but don't forget about yourself Teresha, it is so important. Go with the "A happy Mommy is a good Mommy".
I love this post. The spontaneous sex DOES NOT EXIST in this house. Hubby is grumpy b/c of it.
Love your site... and as I've mentioned before, I LOVE the name "Marley"!! Your design is awesome as well! I'm redoing mine, and it will be "official" early next week.
Off to catch up on posts I've missed!
Ah, but despite your sacrifices you have gained so much! The 1st years are always the toughest but, trust me, it gets easier.
Stopping by from SITS
It's not easy being a momma! I know just where you are coming from. My kids are all older now and I think I'm finally getting my own life back :) There is hope down the road!!!
Aw, I feel your pain. Your blog post is funny though and gave me a laugh.
Mary
Thanks all for your comments of support! Your understanding and kindness have comforted me. Skipping Lent this year has given me some relief...a little gift to myself. :D
Hello!! I feel ya! I think motherhood is its own version of Lent. My oldest is almost 6 and I'm slowly getting back into the proverbial swing of things! Happy un-lent!
He will - and this motherhood gig - tough stuff, isn't it???
Totally AGREE!!! on all counts ; ). I wish I could tell you it gets easier...it does in a way. Or maybe I got used to it. Anywho, I feel ya. I told my hubs I was giving up sex this year for lent because at least I'll be able to bring "the thunder" from pent up passion, tension , etc (lol)..... One day, we'll look back at these days and laugh. In the meantime, I'm hunkering down in the trenches with you! ;) !
Don't worry babe. She's going to get bigger, and you're going to wonder where these days went...
DON'T WORRY. You'll make new friends, sleep will elude you for a lil while longer :-) and eventually you'll get around to assimilating old friends and new, and old YOU and new! A whole new dimension to you!
It will come.
Until then... enjoy today. You're doing a great job being a wonderful mommy. :-)
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