Love Bytes Tip #3: Practice Home Economics

The genesis of this series written by me and the husband unit is this post right here. We decided to co-blog for one month to get to the heart (pun intended) of the communication breakdown in our marriage. It is as much therapy for us as it is advice for other married/partnered couples.

Read Love Bytes Tip #1
Read Love Bytes Tip #2


This week's tip for the Men:
I recently read an interesting article in Newsweek by a columnist who explained how economics saved her marriage. The idea that most fascinated me was that the best way to divide housework was by specialty, not 50/50. Damon and I rarely argue about chores (except when he's creating more work for me) because we basically operate on this model. I specialize in being neat and organized so I keep the schedules and lists and do the laundry, dishes, floors, bathrooms, dusting, and anything else that needs to be cleaned and put in order. Damon is the better cook so he specializes in meal planning and preparation. He also majored in finance which is why he takes on the household budget and pays the bills (mostly on time). The economic theory of specializing rejects old-fashioned values where the wife is expected to do all of the housework. It also flies in the face of feminist principles that a wife should do no more than half. This is what makes housework specialization so brilliant! It's not about societal expectations, but about what system works in your home. So if you are fed up with your clothes being shrunk in the wash, then you are might want to consider taking over laundry duty. And, word to the wise...just because your wife specializes in keeping things in your house clean does not give you a free pass to make a mess. When you come home to a freshly mopped floor it would be prudent to remove your dirty shoes at the door.

This week's tip for the Women:
Over the last couple of years I came to the realization that Teresha and I don't have the same relationship with money which has resulted in differing approaches to making financial decisions. I have always wondered if this is a gender difference or just a difference based on our financial upbringing – no answer on that one yet. So what’s the difference you may ask? Historically, Teresha tended to make financial decisions led by emotion and I have historically tended to make financial decision led by logic. Neither way is necessarily good or bad. This tug of war led by my head and her heart has caused quite a few headaches and a lot of heartburn over the years. Ultimately, I think spouses must understand and appreciate each other’s relationship with money to make their relationship work. While my mom always provided for me and my brother when we were kids, we struggled at times. I am proud to say we were poor and happy! Splurging for us was going to McDonald's for hamburgers and the Olive Garden was for “rich” people. My family’s relationship with money was very pragmatic. For example, I think I have held some type of “job” since I was around eight years old (if not younger). So I have always made my own money. Never wanting to live paycheck to paycheck – I have always been driven to be financially conservative. Teresha’s family was more easy-going when it came to watching pennies. My observation is that her family tended to have a relationship with money that was centered more around wants than needs which led to a more emotional bent to her relationship with money. For example if relative X was struck deathly ill, Teresha’s first thought would probably be “ how quickly can we get down there to visit”. My first thought would probably be “how much would it cost to get down there – and why doesn’t relative X take better care of themselves.” That being said, I have softened up over the years when making financial decisions and Teresha has become more financially prudent. That is not to say that we don’t still have little tiffs about money from time to time, but though candid communications and little understanding – we are definitely on the road towards financial harmony!